holding

There is a letting go that one must embrace during the dying process. At some point attachment to this physical world and all those we love diminishes, and we lean into the next stage of our soul's evolution. The soul leaving planet earth is not alone. Their family and friends must also face the ultimate surrender when they witness the inevitable decline of their beloved.

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

Our desperation to save our loved one and avoid the ultimate separation, pitted against the desire to provide compassionate, supportive palliative care, takes place on the final battle ground.. the death bed.

The ultimate question; how do we hold their hand without holding them back?

moving

As our family struggled to manage eight months of shared 24 hour care for our matriarch in her own home, tension increased and tempers flared. Understandably, one by one, family members eventually leaned back to return to their own lives and leave the care giving to the remaining willing and able siblings. It finally became clear recently that, in order to maintain compassionate family care and provide a peaceful, safe environment, my husband and I would have to move my mother-in-law into our home and fully commit to her ongoing care indefinitely.

It was surprising how willing, even eager, she was to move out of her lifelong home. We then realised that the uncertain, ever-changing shifts of helpers coming and going was taking it's toll not only on the family, but on her too.

Our initial objective was to create a loving, safe, inclusive home experience for Christina. Her grandson's purchased a nice new television for her to watch in the sitting room, while we set to work to cozy up her bedroom in the warmest room in the house. A couple of days prior to the move we had our boiler serviced and increased the heat in the house to meet her desired temperature. Very warm!

Our local, government Homecare organisation has been very helpful and a valuable resource for advice and information. A few days after moving Christina into our home we had two members of the Homecare team come to have a look at how we were making out and offer suggestions on how we may keep her safe and comfortable while taking care of our own wellbeing.

Although the transition went well for the most part, there is an ongoing process of learning what works for the space and the care, depending on how she is on any given day. It is a fluid dance I share with my husband and this remarkable woman we dearly love.