home

One of the first differences I noticed when I moved to rural Saskatchewan from downtown Vancouver was the increased number of elderly folks still living in their family homes. Sure, most of them had some sort of family near by to help in times of need, but those without that benefit were surrounded by a community invested in the wellbeing of all segments of it's residents.

My experience in the city?
- As soon as your children graduate high school parents will downsize.
- Following retirement, another downsize; the goal to travel supersedes the desire and obligation to maintain a nice yard.
- Once the globe trotting desire has dwindled and housekeeping becomes too challenging, the next step is a minimal care home; they have less responsibility but still feel a sense of independence and privacy.
- The final chapter of an individual's long life in the big city is spent in a nursing home, most probably partnerless. By this time they have downsized away most of their possessions and are living in a room that someone else decorated and furnished to suit the special amenities necessary to ensure the resident's safety and wellbeing.

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

When my own mother reached this stage of her life and most of her living was confined to a small room, it was almost impossible to perceive who she had been all of her life and what factors had impacted who she had become. At first glance she was indistinguishable from any other elderly woman in the facility and one room was as bland as the next.

This is not to say effort isn't made to personalize the space, but by this time in ones life, it's more likely that your loved ones will be the ones choosing which items will represent to the world the life you've lived. Which means residents will have reflected back at them who it is their loved ones perceive them to be and be surrounded by what others believe they would enjoy.




My Grandmother, on the other hand, lived alone, in the house she shared with her sweetheart for so many years until the very end of her magnificent lifetime. Her kitchen sink was always ready for any task; her front porch a welcome beacon of hospitality.

When I walk into an elderly persons home in the small town in which I'm currently living I can look around and have an immediate impression of who they have been and, more importantly to me, who they are right now. I have had the privilege of getting to know many remarkable people, some who have lived in their homes for over 60 years.

They remember the day they planted that tree, the year the snow reached the kitchen window, how the tree fell over on Christmas Eve when the family cat just wouldn't leave it alone. They have every chore covered by loved ones, paid community helpers, or generous neighbours.

At the end stage of ones life, as the mind slips progressively sideways, the sanctuary of home comforts the soul, settles the bones, and provides a  familiar nest for reflection, acceptance and release.