expectations

When a soul begins it's rich experience of life on earth, there is an assumption born with it that there will be a long and illustrious story bound to that life. Most often that is the case. However, souls for whom life on earth only spans a few hours, days, weeks or years, the unfulfilled expectation of a life well lived casts an everlasting shadow over that soul's life story and the loved ones who are left grieving. The soul departs with little to savour, and loved ones are left with feelings of intense confusion and heart wrenching yearnings.

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

If we were to adjust that early assumption to a sentient awareness that virtually every being can end their lifetime at any moment, and in fact will not escape death in their lifetime, perhaps the rattling truth of losing a loved may become just a little more manageable. With that awareness may come a profound and comforting knowing that the impact of a relatively short life to humankind is equally important as those souls who leave many trails of stories in their wake.

In order for our society to transform it's relationship to death and dying from fear and denial, to compassion and acceptance, systems must be created and nurtured to support an appreciation and readiness for all life and death.

breeze

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

When I first moved from my home and family on the west coast of Canada to this small prairie town I thought about the time and closeness I would miss with my loved ones living so far away. In committing to the move I was comforted that an international airport was a mere 40 minutes from my new home, assuring my presence in times of emergencies and special occasions.

That mental journey led me to counting the number of significant but often unnoticed events I could potentially expect to experience in my lifetime. How many springs. How many falls. The process certainly illuminated how brief one soul's stay is on this earth, even with the most optimistic projections.

These benchmarks, usually highlighting events like the beginning of another school year, or the birth of our first child, become the gems we collect throughout this treasure hunt we call life. Unfortunately, due to the unhealthy impulse sewn into the fabric of our society to turn away from the inevitability of our own death, when the reality hits us that we have limited time left to live there's often too few gems left to fully experience.


How would the gentle breeze harkening an early spring feel different to one who completely accepted and was at peace with the reality that death may come at any moment, or to one who is told it will be the last spring in this lifetime?

shame

My friend, Mary was hospitalised recently due to complications from an undiagnosed bladder infection. The reason the infection went undiagnosed was her reluctance to report her suspicions of ill health to her family. This spirited woman has lived in her home for over 60 years, alone for the last seven years, with little to no assistance. She is fiercely independent and cringes when her comfort or good health requires her to rely on others.

Her two week stint in our local hospital was a struggle for us all, but for none of us more than Mary herself. One might think the threat of death precipitated the intense feelings of fear and discomfort, but that would not be the case.

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

The overwhelming feeling of being a 'bother' was the most challenging trial of Mary's hospital stay. Each time the call button was placed near her, or pinned to her I could see her recoil with shame.



How did our humanness, the reality that at times we are weak and need assistance, become so disgraceful? Could this disgrace be at the bottom of our fear of dying?

grace

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

I recently discovered a beautiful book, Through Kenny's Eyes - the magnificent journey from illness to ecstasy, written by Carol and Ken Jones.

"As one who never opted for any form of chemo, I can say that my quality of life has steeply increased as my disease has steadily progressed. I feel as though I am among the "Living Free". I have so little standing between me and my awareness of God, that practically all I see is beauty. I take meds to control the pain, and I handle the basic body functions to keep it going, and my consciousness dances free in the Light of God."

I find it so interesting, the reality of anticipated death in contrast to our societies perception of dying. With every death I have researched plus the few I have witnessed, the days and hours leading up to death are infused with the indisputable grace of life. Is it our ego that drives us to refute the beauty of dying, and passionately cling to the paramountcy of life? Or is it the simple fear of the unknown?

Either way, if we can redefine our promise of life to include the potential grace of death, perhaps we may begin to shift our stance from one of fear and resistance, to love and acceptance.