shame

My friend, Mary was hospitalised recently due to complications from an undiagnosed bladder infection. The reason the infection went undiagnosed was her reluctance to report her suspicions of ill health to her family. This spirited woman has lived in her home for over 60 years, alone for the last seven years, with little to no assistance. She is fiercely independent and cringes when her comfort or good health requires her to rely on others.

Her two week stint in our local hospital was a struggle for us all, but for none of us more than Mary herself. One might think the threat of death precipitated the intense feelings of fear and discomfort, but that would not be the case.

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

The overwhelming feeling of being a 'bother' was the most challenging trial of Mary's hospital stay. Each time the call button was placed near her, or pinned to her I could see her recoil with shame.



How did our humanness, the reality that at times we are weak and need assistance, become so disgraceful? Could this disgrace be at the bottom of our fear of dying?