children

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

Hungarian psychologist, Maria Nagy, interviewed nearly 400 children living in Budapest at a time when death was everywhere.. just after World War II, with questions like - What is death? Through Dr Nagy, and many other scientists research studies, children's concept of death and dying have been categorized into three specific benchmarks of understanding.





#1. Irreversibility:
Once a person is dead, it can never again be alive. Children under three years old aren't able to understand this idea. In one study scientists found that ten percent of 3 year olds understood irreversibility, compared with 58 percent of four year olds.

#2. Non-functionality:
Between the ages of five and seven children begin to grasp the reality that a dead person can no longer do things that a living person can do. Researchers discovered this with questions like - Can a dead person feel? - If someone died, could he still eat? - Can he move? - Can he dream?

#3. Universality:
Many children believe that there are certain groups of people who are protected from death, like teachers, parents, and themselves. As Dr. Nagy writes "Without a doubt, most children understand that some people die before they understand that they themselves will die, and even children who understand that they will one day perish have a tendency to say that their death will occur only in the remote future when they get old."

Clearly, understanding of our children's inability to fully comprehend death is critically important for us to effectively shepherd our young through the turbulent, but inevitable journey of grief.