inner circle

Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel

I have a friend living only a few blocks from my home who is in the final stage of her life. She is well known in our small community for her wit, person style, and unique creativity. I feel a genuine fondness for her, even though I wouldn't be categorized as a member of her inner circle of friends. A few weeks ago, when her ill health made it more comfortable for her to stay home, I had an opportunity to sit with her for a few moments. She had contacted me via Facebook requesting that I let her kids see a portrait I'd painted of her a few years ago. It was a painting technique with which I was experimenting and had ultimately discarded the portrait.

Wanting to grant her wish, I spent the next afternoon creating a pencil portrait from an old photo I'd taken of her several years ago. When I delivered the gift, I was invited to sit for a quiet visit with her and her step daughter. I cherish those 15 minutes more than I can say. It was such a rich experience to share the intimacy of her space and have the time to really talk to her, a person with whom I feel a deep affection and admiration.

When I spoke to one of her closest friends a week or so later, I heard that her family was finding the number of visitors a bit overwhelming. Of course she loved seeing everyone, and appreciated the kindnesses, but she was easily tired and continually interrupted during her much needed naps.

The scrambling our society exhibits in a mad dash to connect and express love to one who is leaving this life, would not be necessary if our conversations about life and death occurred throughout the years of our lifetime.. rather than within the last few weeks of life.