quiet

The impulse to console someone who's grieving, or facing death themselves, is overwhelming. I would love to understand what it is that leads me to panic during the silent moments created by my tongue tied reaction to these situations. Could it be my fear of saying the wrong thing? If hearts are tender and emotions are raw, the stakes are so much higher than normal conversational circumstances. Unfortunately, the fear that I will never find the right words of comfort and that I will inevitably say the wrong thing, doesn't seem to stop me from filling the quiet space with useless chatter.

I was sitting with a person in palliative care one day and I noticed a familiar and uncomfortable feeling slowly building; the chaotic internal noise of searching for the right thing to say. As I was mentally shuffling through my options, another person entered the room. They sat. I waited. Nothing. More silence. And then.. I was surprised to find the silence immensely consoling. It was as though the room was being infused with a fog of 'everything is going to be okay'.

Perhaps the increased silence overcame the need for chatter. The greater energy won out? That afternoon I learned that it was just fine to not fill in the silent gap, especially if what you're about to say may not be helpful. My curiosity has led me to notice my response to silence and I've discovered that it frequently freaks me out! I have also found that a deep inhale will often help relax me and create more space for the silence I may recognize as valuable.