Virginia Satir, one of the key family therapists of our time, said that we need to get four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth. I wonder how many hugs a day would be recommended for someone who's done their growing, maintaining, and surviving and are now facing the winding down stage of life.
I believe that touch in and of itself has great value to all of creation.. comforting and life affirming to giver and receiver alike. When my friend was nearing the end of her life I would walk up to the hospital everyday with my massage oil and touch her hands and feet. I wouldn't call it a massage exactly, she wasn't quite comfortable with any real pressure on her body at that point. No, it was simply touch.. gentle and warm.
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| Illustrations © Barbara J Holzapfel |
We would talk about art and nature, and occasionally we would sit in silence, feeling the smooth movement of my hands gliding over her skin, inhaling the soothing aroma of the oil. Nearing the very end of her life, as her legs and feet filled with fluids, the soft touch helped to relieve the uncomfortable pressure building in her fragile tissue.
There was no growing, maintaining or surviving going on, merely living compassionately with dying.
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